To you – the one who made me realize I could love again.
The love you give me isn’t romantic or dazzling like a first love. But it’s warm enough to bring me peace, and trustworthy enough to make me confident in holding your hand through the long road ahead.
My dear! Today, you're away on another business trip, and I miss you terribly.
For the first time, I texted you saying that I miss you. You must have been really surprised, right? Since we met, I’ve rarely called you to ask if you’re tired after work. I’ve seldom sent you a text wishing you a good day. This is the first time I’ve sent you a message filled with affection.
Lately, you've been busy, and you don't have as much time for me as you used to. Even though we work at the same place, we only manage to see each other briefly after my classes, just enough time to walk part of the way home together.
Every weekend, you and I are in different places, busy with our own work. And I’ve started to resent you, resenting that I no longer receive the things you used to give me.
Ironically, I used to dislike the very things I now miss. I used to hate receiving your good morning wishes. I hated answering your calls every evening. I hated finding excuses to decline a date with you. I hated everything you did for me.
I am a girl about to turn 24, a girl who has experienced sweet moments with someone she loved, a girl who has tasted the pain of love lost, a girl who once thought she could never love again. And you, it is you who helped me understand that I can love once more.
I’m not even sure if what I feel for you is love. But you and the longing I feel for you are real.
I remember the first time I met you on an autumn evening. You randomly texted me to introduce yourself, and I smiled, thinking you would be just like all the other guys who had come and gone in my life.
I remember the second, third, and many more times we met… I was always in a hurry. I don’t even know why, but every time we met, I’d tell you I was in a rush, almost as if I was deliberately avoiding your gaze.
I remember… I remember so clearly the feeling of emptiness when I no longer saw you in front of me. I sensed that you had given up… given up on something that hadn’t even started. Each day, I felt it more and more, and gradually, you and I drifted apart…
The love you give me is warm enough to make me feel at peace.
I remember the day I returned… the day I went on a business trip to New York. Alone in a midland town, where the rain and loneliness were unbearable. Every day after work, I would curl up in bed and watch movies until past midnight. It was then that I truly felt the longing for you… a gentle longing that crept into my heart.
And I did something I never thought I would… I sent you a text… the first message since I met you. And I’ll never regret it, even if it means letting you go.
I remember every time I traveled for work, you were the one who talked to me every night. I was afraid of being alone in a strange place. I knew you were very sleepy, after a long day at work you wanted to rest, but some nights you stayed up talking to me until 2 AM.
Every time you said, “Let’s sleep now, I’m really sleepy, I have to work tomorrow,” I felt an overwhelming sense of disappointment. Knowing I’d get to talk to you again tomorrow night, I still wanted to keep you with me a little longer.
I remember so clearly the feeling when the phone rang, and it wasn’t you. I remember the nights I went to bed late, waiting for your call that never came. I knew you were busy, tired, and couldn
’t call me. I couldn’t bring myself to be upset with you. I just knew that you had become a sweet habit in my life.
I remember the first time you said you missed me. It was when I was on the bus to Italy for a work trip. I felt a happiness that I hadn’t felt in a long time when someone told me they cared about me. That feeling was something I never had with the other men who had said similar, or even more, to me. I remember when you hung up and texted me just three words: “I love you.”
I remember all the memories with you. I remember the hurried meetings at school. I remember the nights you came over and then stayed up late online after leaving. I remember the disappointment when you told me you’d be away for work again over the weekend.
But I can’t remember when I started missing you. The longing isn’t loud or burning, but it’s enough for me to know that you’ve truly become significant in my life.
And I remember… I remember the first time you held me in your arms and said, “I love you, let’s be together.”
Today, you’re away on another business trip to Italy. I miss you so much. I wish for just one weekend to spend with you, but we haven’t had that chance. For the first time, I told you, “I miss you.”
